In Death We Share
by Dracomancer
Summary: On a journey to uncover her repressed memories, Urahara gives Kein a memory serum that forces her mind open, but upon doing so it sends her in a Hollow frenzy as Ichigo is the one to find her first. Can he save her from her own insanity?
1. If We Could Go Back

**The previous story to this is **"Fated Farewell"

**If We Could Go Back**

"One must always maintain one's connection to the past and yet ceaselessly pull away from it."

"The past is our definition. We may strive, with good reason, to escape it, or to escape what is bad in it, but we will escape it only by adding something better to it."

"Events in the past may be roughly divided into those which probably never happened and those which do not matter."

These are a few of many teachings that exist within the world and have existed for eons. However, as many times as individuals are taught to look towards the future, how can the future be sewn on a different path if the past is constantly repeated? Without knowing or truly understanding our past then we end up in a vicious cycle to try to create a future that cannot exist.

For it is also said that "It's in vain, trot, to recall the past, unless it _works some influence upon the present._" Only a little time had past since the incident with Rukia in soul society. Ichigo and the others had soon returned to their home in the human realm and it wasn't long before Kein had caught up with the group. She would keep a close eye on hollows so that Ichigo and the others could concentrate on school. After getting to know Orihime a bit better, Kein decided to stay with her in exchange for helping with cleaning and keeping an eye on the house. They made great roommates for each other and enjoyed afternoon cooking sessions. Most of all, Kein got to know Ichigo a lot better. Her and Ichigo had a unique connection as they both could see eye to eye on many things and both had a killer resolve to protect that which was important to them.

But of all the things that was important, while there was a moment of peace and time to figure things out, Kein needed to find out about her past. After Kein's death she could not remember a thing about her life in the human world and she felt that it was gravely important for her memories to come back to her in order to try to find inner peace. On a solitary afternoon and on a solitary day in the week Kein had ventured over to Urahara's place. Urahara was outside sitting on his porch while sipping some hot green tea. The shop wasn't busy today so it gave him time to relax a bit. He looked up to see the same familiar light blue hair as he smiled lightly and tipped his hat to her.

"Oh, hello . What brings you to my shop on such a fine afternoon?"

She looked at him with a solemn expression, a bit lost in thought as she was hesitant to reply.

"Are…you busy right now?"

Taking another sip of his tea he replied, "Ironically no. It's a gorgeous day out, but its been slow for the last few hours. So have you finally decided to take me up on my offer to try out my new line of gigai's I just made?" He asked in a happy go lucky tone as she replied with a chuckle, "I don't need a gigai. I only care to be seen by Ichigo, Chad, Ishida, and Orihime. I don't care to be seen by anyone else. Besides those things are so restricting. I'm fine just in my Shinigami form."

After gulping a few more sips his usually happy go lucky expression faded to a more serious tone as he asked, "Something the matter Ms. Marasuna?" Kein sighed, not able to look him in the eyes as it was something she was never fond of doing. She always felt it awkward to look someone in the eyes as it always felt like they were piercing into her soul.

"I-If it's not too much to ask, would you be able to spare a couple of hours time? I really need your help on…something."

Urahara got up in a playful manner as he asked, "I guess I was right in assuming you've been depressed lately. You didn't seem your usual self the last time you visited."

"Yeah sorry about that. But I was wondering…do you…know anything about…recovering memories?"

He gave her an interesting face as he flapped open his wooden fan and fanned himself a few times, "Hm? Well, that _is_ rather interesting."

"Wait, what do you mean?"

Flapping his fan closed and sticking it in his pocket he stated, "You want to recover the memories about your past, am I right? I knew this day would eventually come. What's even stranger is picking today of all days to see me on this matter." Kein flinched slightly, finally having the courage to look into Urahara's gaze, sending a child up her spine.

"What? What do you mean _today of all days_?"

He sighed slightly, taking a few steps towards her, "You don't even remember that do you? Today is the day…you died."

Kein gasped audibly as she took a few steps back. "B-But…how…"

"…do I know? Because you told me once before about the day you died, but that was many years ago. It was shortly after you had become a Shinigami that you came to me asking the very same thing. You had forgotten all your memories of your life in the Human world except a few fragmented images. You remember the day of your death and that you and your parents were murdered, but that was all you could tell me. At the time I had not advanced anything in specialty of memory recovery, but I knew the time would come that you would ask me again. So I kept something special just for you. Come inside. We can talk in there away from unwanted ears." He stated as he cocked an eyebrow at some bushes nearby as Ururu and Jinta poked their heads out.

"Jinta, I warned you that knew we were here."

Annoyed as usual, Jinta started knuckle heading Ururu "Its your fault! If you didn't make so much noise we could have listened in on their conversation."

"Ow, ow, ow, ow, Jinta that hurts."

Urahara merely chuckled as Kein followed him inside and had her sit down at a table nearby. It took some time before Urahara joined her at the table, placing a glass tube beside her that was filled with a reddish liquid. She looked at it, puzzled, as she picked it up and held it in her hands, holding it up to the light so it gave off a reddish glow.

"Before I start chugging this thing, what the hell is it?"

"That thing there is _nou no kessei_ also known as a _memory serum_." As she held it in her hand she chuckled slightly in response, "Man you just have an answer to every problem don't you, Kisuke Urahara?" And in his usual uplifting voice and smiling expression he responded, "Well not everything, but I like to think I do. Ha, ha, ha."

His optimism was refreshing, but Kein didn't hold a smile for very long as she asked for further explanation, "Tell me exactly what happens when I drink this."

In a more serious tone he replied, "Well as you could imagine, you get your memories back, but its not just a select few memories that have been repressed for so many years; it is the memories of everything you have ever set your eyes on from the minute you were born into this world. Even recollections as a baby will flash through your mind as the serum forces your brain to awaken parts that have been clouded over as a mental defense mechanism."

Kein gasped at the thought of even memories from being a baby coming back to her.

"Is…is that it?"

Urahara sighed as he leaned up against the door frame of the entrance to the room they were in. "No. There are many things that are tied in with memories; memories of smell, memories of sight, memories of hearing, memories of taste and memories of touch. So in other words, every memory you have ever experienced also comes with the memories of the five senses that are connected with those memories."

Kein looked up at Urahara with great concern in her eyes, even a deep fear. "How long do the memories last?"

"Well, the memories last for a mere few seconds each so they come and go up till the point where you are now…_in theory_."

Gasping, "What do you mean _in theory_? Haven't you ever tested this thing before?"

Sighing a little before he replied, "A long time ago when we wanted to interrogate an enemy for answers, we would use a simple truth serum I came up with, but in a few severe cases it turned out that sometimes an enemy was subjected to tampered memories."

"_Tampered_ memories?"

"Yes. In those cases the subject's memories were purposely pushed down by a spiritual interference. Without going into complicated explanations, in short I had to come up with a serum that was strong enough to force the memories from the subject's mind. The serum I speak of is the one you're holding in your hand. It was only used a few times due to the severe affects of it."

"How many times has this serum been used?" Sighing more heavily, "Only 5." Kein gasped more audibly as she retorted, "And you were just about to give this to me?"

Urahara gave her a stern look as he replied calmly, "What other choice do you have? The truth serum I have is outdated and isn't meant to bring back repressed memories. Neither do I possess a serum that is a lower strength then the one you have there. I could come up with serum that is lesser in affect, but it would take a considerable amount of time and I know you well enough to know that you're not that patient."

Kein sighed heavily, "I'm sorry. I don't mean to sound ungrateful. I'm just…just…"

"…scared?"

"Yeah."

A moment of silence fell between the two before she hesitantly asked, "What are the side affects from the few times its been used?"

"Well, according to the studies done, with the amount of memories that are forced back into the brain, it knocks the subject out cold. The mind can only handle so much as you could imagine. The amount of time the subject is passed out from sheer shock is dependant upon the severity of the subject's past."

"So what's the longest a subject has ever been passed out?"

"A month."

Nearly jumping out of her chair, "A month? But I don't…"

"…have that kind of time?" Urahara finished her sentence as she looked back down at the vial in her hand. "How…ever. What a subject can mentally handle varies from person to person. What might seem horrific to one individual might not be that big of a deal to another."

"Wait, so are you saying…"

"…you are not a weak minded individual. Its amazing you can still keep yourself together with the amount of inner conflict you deal with on a day to day basis. I've watched you for a long time ever since you entered into Soul Society…and ever since you merged bodies with that Espada."

Kein was rather speechless at the moment, but she had every respect for Urahara and never once questioned his intentions.

"That Espada in you gives you quite a run for your money doesn't he? He knows how to pull on your strings and tamper with your emotions so it makes it easier for him to take over and yet somehow you've significantly improved your control over him, but in exchange you're forever at an inner war with yourself never truly knowing if what you feel is how you _actually_or if its caused by the Espada in you. This is the reason you find yourself at peace when you fight, but it is the only thing that allows you to get your frustration out. That's why you're also ready now to broaden your mind to possibilities that you never considered before. You believe that there is a better way to deal with your problem and that you shouldn't have to fight in order to feel at peace, even though you have a natural passion for battle. And that's why you need me to give you the strongest method I have, not wanting to overlook or miss any possible detail."

For a third time she looked down at the vial in her hands. Everything Urahara mentioned made complete sense and it was also very true.

"Come with me," he commanded as she followed him without hesitation. He led her down into the underground training facility. "Hm? What are we doing here?" Urahara turned to her, almost a bit surprised. "Is it not obvious?"

It took a minute for Kein to realize before answering, "Wait, but I thought you said…"

"…I said that the subjects that got tested each passed out, but I _also_ said that you are not a weak minded individual. On the unlikely chance that you manage to stay conscious, I want to ensure that the Espada in you doesn't use this chance to try to take control of your body. If he does, then at least I can manage dealing with it down here to ensure the safety of others," smiling brightly "and of course my shop!"

Letting the awkward moment pass she sat down upon the ground and took the top off of the vial, preparing herself to down it. She starred at it intensely as the light from the facility shot through the glass and gave a reddish glow upon the skin of her hand. Urahara could feel the intensity from her as he walked up to her, knelt down, and placed a warm gentle hand upon her shoulder.

"It'll be alright. I can manage anything that happens so just let me worry about that okay?" He stated with a goofy optimistic attitude. However, despite his encouragement, the tenseness in Kein's shoulder muscles would not let up, but she had drawn this out long enough.

"Alright, I'm ready." Urahara gave himself some distance from her as she held the vial up to drink it and then titled it as the pure red serum slipped down her throat and into her system. Throwing the vial to the side she grasped her hands upon her thighs, gripping onto the fabric of her pants as she waited. "How long does it take?"

"Maybe a minute or two, but on two of the subjects…" interrupted as he saw a drastic change of expression on Kein's face "…it only took a matter of seconds."

Kein's vision went blank as she began to see split second flashes of memories of just being a baby, but considering a year's time is 365 days that are filled with endless hours and minutes, the memories of each scent, pain from sicknesses, sounds and tastes that she had ever experienced within the first two years of being a baby to a toddler, it took at least 3 minutes to get through just that section of memories as they were being forced open from her mind. However, that was only the beginning.

A painful throbbing began to emit inside Kein's head as she hunched over on all fours, sweat forming at her brow as more memories poured out from her mind. Conversations from the past between her parents started forming in her mind, barely able to comprehend them. Her mother was attacked by a Hollow when she was still pregnant with Kein, but she was saved by a Shinigami from soul society. However, when a mother is attacked by a Hollow, the powers pass through the mother and onto the child that is born.

This in turn, like Ichigo, made Kein susceptible to seeing ghosts when she was but a child. Memories of various ghosts she had met in her youth started to come back into her mind. Through the memories, very significant ones flashed that started to paint a clearer picture that was leading up to her parent's death, and her own. The pain of breaking her leg for a first time flashed through her from the age of 5 when a Hollow had chased her over a tall cliff that stood above the city's water system. Kein screamed out from the momentary pain she felt in her leg. She remembered the pain of her father's car accident on a trip to the grocery store, caused by a Hollow chasing the car, at the age of 10.

The accident was severe and had both her and her father in the hospital. The pain from her leg had dissipated, but pain in her ribs, head, and arms throbbed as she slumped over, remembering being in the hospital with the doctor saying she would live, but had serious injuries. Urahara could only watch as Kein was slumped over and curled up on the ground, the pupils in her eyes heavily dilated as if the life in her was being sucked out.

It only took another minute before another significant memory flashed through her mind of the age of 14 when she met a man in a park that wanted to be friends with her, but she refused and ran away. This man went by the name of Masaki Ichiron. No one knew at the time, but he was marked on a list of sexual harassers and had moved away and changed his identity so he could find a new target. Upon finding Kein he had stalked her for nearly 4 years, waiting and looking for an opportunity to kidnap her.

Upon Kein's parent's anniversary, they went away on a vacation and were soon killed by a Hollow since traces of Kein's inner power had been left on her parents from being around her so much. It was a month later that Masaki used this opportunity of Kein's solitude to break into her home. The pain she felt from loosing her parents from that point of time in her life caused Kein to throw up upon the ground as she coughed and gasped from the whirling feelings and emotions that had flushed through her.

She wanted so badly for this all to stop right then and there, but it wasn't over yet as she was forced to remember the last and worst moment of her time in the living world. Masaki was abused by his mother as a child and forever hated women with a sickening passion. He wanted to take out all his own pain upon Kein as he broke into her house and found her in her parent's room as he forced her down upon her parent's bed that she was sleeping in to try to gain comfort from it.

No matter how much she cried out for the help of a Shinigami or anyone in the apartment complex, no one came to her aid as Masaki began to beat her with his fists upon her face, ribs, and any body part he could get a hold of to keep her quite. After beating her senseless he then began to tear at her school uniform to humiliate her as her shirt and bra was torn up, revealing her breasts as he then began to slip his sadistic hands up her skirt to rip away her underwear as he unbuckled and unzipped his pants and slipped into her forcedly, keeping a pillow over her head to keep her screams from crying out as he raped her violently and painfully until she could not hear her scream anymore.

Upon removing the pillow after ten to twenty minutes of torturing her, he found her to be dead. That was the last time she had breathed her last breath in the living world. Urahara found it almost unbearable to watch helplessly as he saw Kein toss about side to side as her cries filled the entire underground facility. It had caused such alarm that Ururu, Jinta, and Tessai had ventured down to find out what was the matter.

"Ms…Marasuna," Ururu spoke her name in near tears.

"What's going on?" Tessai asked, a sweat drop forming at his temple as Urahara merely replied, "Nothing to be concerned with. It is best if you three go back up to the shop. It's nearly over now." Without question they did as told as the last remaining memories of Shiba Kaien's death, her meeting with Ernesto in Hueco Mundo, and her meeting Ichigo and the man with the blue hair finished flashing through her mind. Urahara had seen these affects before on the 5 subjects the serum was used on, but none that were affected this severely.

He didn't know what was in her past, but her reaction to the serum was all he needed to know that she had suffered much. There was one last symptom that he did not reveal to Kein, not wanting it upon her mind to send her in a panic upon realization, but once the serum takes its affect, it cannot be stopped and the mind cannot be shut off until the memories stop. So matter how badly she might have wanted it all to end half way through, there was nothing anyone could do. Although the memories and the screams had stopped, tears were not pouring from her eyes as she laid there nearly lifeless from the mental and physical shock of the serum, but it did not seem that her inner Hollow was trying to take over in any way, or maybe it simply couldn't.

Whatever the case, at least it was over…for now. He slowly walked over to her as she was encased in his shadow. She did not seem to react or notice he was even there, nor was she able to as her pupils blacked out and she finally fell unconscious.

"Now, Kein Marasuna, how long will it be before you awaken?"


	2. What Friends Are For

**The next story that takes place is **"The Arrival"

**What Friends Are For**

Exactly three days had passed since Ichigo last saw Kein. At first, one day of not seeing her had not put any concern on his mind. He figured that she was busy with keeping Hollows at bay so he didn't think much of it. A second day had gone by just like any other ordinary day and as usual a Hollow had caught loose in town and he had no choice but to intercept it since no one was taking care of it.

Rather annoyed that Kein still wasn't around like she said she would to take care of things so that he and the others could concentrate on school, he took care of the Hollow as well as a second one that had popped out at night time, but neither was a big deal. He didn't think much of it and figured Kein was busy with Shinigami business of some kind. But upon the third day…

…_ring…ring…ring…ring…ring…_

The same familiar school bells rang as the last class of the day ended for the start of the weekend. Just as Ichigo was planning on leaving the classroom, Orihime had approached him.

"Ichigo!" And with his usual serious expression, but not too serious since it was Orihime he replied, "Orihime. What's up? You look like something's wrong."

"Have you seen Kein recently? I can't find her anywhere. She hasn't been home for the last two days. It isn't really like her to disappear and not tell me, but I know she usually comes to visit you after school so I thought maybe she was with you?"

Ichigo gasped slightly as a sinking feeling hit his stomach.

"No, she hasn't visited like usual. I didn't think too much of it since I figured she was with you or busy with something." Orihime tossed her gaze downward, rather concerned.

"Kurosaki," Ishida called out to him as he approached, adjusting his glasses upon his face. "Did I hear correctly that neither you nor Orihime have seen Kein?"

The two faced him as Ichigo replied, "Yeah. It's weird. She usually comes to visit after school and helps out around the house with my sisters and then returns back to Orihime's place to stay with her. My sisters have been asking about her so they don't know either."

"Pfft, you're so dense Kurosaki. If you had paid more attention to her spiritual pressure then you would have your answer by now."

"What the hell is that supposed to me Uryuu?"

"Idiot. She's been at Urahara's place."

Ichigo and Orihime gasped slightly. Ichigo was used to Rukia being at Urahara's place all the time, but it was only on rare occasion that Kein would visit him and only if it was something important.

"I think something is wrong though. I can sense her spiritual pressure, but it's extremely faint. I felt it fluctuating rapidly a few days ago, it was rather strange."

"Oh no, Kein. I better go to her," Orihime exclaimed as she was about to rush towards Urahara's shop, but Ichigo placed a hand on her shoulder, stopping her.

"Wait, Orihime. I'll go. Just return home while I take care of this. Last few times she visited she was acting kind of weird, but didn't tell me why so I want to go find out myself. I'll keep you updated."

"A-Are you sure Ichigo?"

"Yeah. I mean I haven't known her as long as Rukia, but I know her enough to know that if something is bothering her, I'm usually the first person she tells, but if she's not willing to talk to _me_ about it, then she won't talk to anyone. So I need to get to her first."

Sighing a bit she replied, "Okay Ichigo, but please tell me she's alright the minute you get a chance."

"Don't worry, I will." The school had soon emptied of its students as everyone ventured home. Ichigo dropped by his place first to get out of his uniform and drop off his bags so they wouldn't be in the way.

"ICHIGOOOOO!" Kon suddenly grasped onto Ichigo's back just as he was bending over to get some clothes from his drawer. "BAKAAAAA! Why is it that you never tell me anything? You always leave me out of the loop on things! WHY CAN'T YOU EVER TELL ME ANYTHING?" He cried and whimpered as Ichigo pulled him off his back and threw him to the ground.

"Damn it Kon, you're always so damn loud when I get home. You're beginning to be like dad. Just what the hell are you babbling about anyway?"

"Ichigo, is it true Kein is gone? Is it really true she left?" He began to cry like a baby as he babbled on, "She always had the most luscious lumps! And never hesitated to keep me in her arms. Ahhh Kein, why must you be gone? You're my only hope of happiness!"

Out of irritancy Ichigo threw his school bag at Kon as it pummeled him. "Hey, what the hell was that for ICHIGO?"

"To shut you up. Geeze, you're such a pervert. And Kein isn't gone. She's just at Urahara's, now would you keep it down already?" Kon's eyes lit up with glee as he pushed away Ichigo's school bag.

"REALLY? YOU MEAN TO SAY SHE HASN'T LEFT LIKE RUKIA? OH PRAISE TH—hermnnngh…"

Not wanting to hear Kon babble on about women's breasts he threw a pair of socks into Kon's mouth as it stuffed in him nicely and shut him up.

"Sometimes I wonder why I even bothered to keep you around."

…_beep…_

"Hm?" Hearing a familiar ringing sound Ichigo glanced over at his Shinigami representative badge that was laying on the bed after he changed into a different shirt, but the badge laid silent.

"That's weird, could have sworn I heard it..." _…beep…_ "…what the hell? Is this thing broken?"

He asked as he picked it up, waiting for it to beep rapidly when it usually would when a hollow was around.

"Damn it, either this thing is broken or there's a Hollow nearby. Man of all the times to bug me…" he stopped in mid sentence as he concentrated on it, forcing his Shinigami self out from his living human body, his body toppling onto the bed. Kon finally popped the sock out of his mouth as he whined, "Ichigo, ICHIGO! Let me be in your body. It's been a while since I got to romp around."

"Pfft, fine. As long as you promise not to go looking up girl's skirts again. I can't afford to have my reputation destroyed because you're perverted." Kon chuckled his usual laugh as he replied, "No problem Ichigo! I got everything in control over here!"

Ichigo then picked Kon up, grabbing the soul pill out from Kon's body and then tossed it inside his own as Kon's soul took over Ichigo's body.

"Woo hoo! Oh man this feels great!"

"Now pipe down before my family…"

"…yeah, yeah I know. Just go take care of that Hollow." Ichigo then quickly leapt out the window as he entered into the sun setting horizon. It was filled with colors of oranges and pinks beautifully mixed together as he went in the direction of the strange reiatsu.

"Hm, weird. It doesn't feel that far away, but at the same time it does." The badge continued to beep slowly upon approaching the Hollow he needed to take out, but as he neared closer he took notice in the distance of a darkened red aura that was flashing up into the atmosphere.

"Kh! What the hell?"

Although he did not want to admit it, this blackened aura felt familiar somehow, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it. Suddenly the aura flashed outwards as it slowly revealed the source of the reiatsu. When the image of what he thought to be a Hollow came clear, it was instead a shocking visual.

"K-Kein?"

Her back was turned towards him as her face could not be seen, but he knew it was her. He was hoping for a response, but the only response he got was the echoing of painful sobs. Ichigo's voice had reached inside her mind as she slowly turned her head to reveal its shockingly familiar appearance. Kein's entire face was covered in her Hollow mask. It was similar to Ichigo's, but much more frightening as it had the same Hollow eyes and a large row of upper and lower teeth that covered from one ear to the other on top of the mask. Instead of red stripes like on his own, her's had black stripes.

"Kein-" he began again to try to talk to her, but she reacted violently, shrieking out a hollowed cry from her lungs as it poured into the air and echoed throughout the town, a wave of reiatsu resonating from her body as it pushed Ichigo back a few feet.

"D-Damn it! I guess there's no helping it. Ban…KAI!"

Feeling the situation was in dire need of control, he released his Bankai to regain his composure.

"Kein talk to me! Kein!"

She did not answer, but her body language alone spoke for itself as she hunched over with her hands clawing at the mask on her face as tears poured from her eyes and dripped down from the mask.

_"She's…crying? What could have happened to her?"_

Without much time to react, Ichigo quickly threw up his sword to block a sudden incoming attack from Kein as she tried to grasp onto Ichigo with her bare hands. His blade had stopped them, but was digging into her skin, blood appearing as it dripped down his blade.

The mask did not allow him to truly see the expression on her face, but her tears were now dripping upon his hand and blade.

"Kein! Its me Ichigo! Come on, I DON'T WANT TO HURT YOU! You know its me! WAKE UP!"

Within that moment, only Kein could see the illusion, but the image of Shiba Kaien had popped up behind Ichigo as the two gazed into each other's eyes as she heard his voice inside her head.

_"Kein, it's alright. The past is the past. Let him guide you to the future. Don't be consumed by death and loneliness."_

And then his image disappeared from her sight as she then tossed her gaze at Ichigo. It only took a moment before her emotions burst into a rage as she dashed back away from Ichigo and placing her hands upon her mask, she ripped it off from her face as a morphed Hollow male scream could be heard as it dissipated into the air. Upon removing the mask her reiatsu died down to a dim resonating dark glow around her body as it was kept hunched backwards in mid air. She did not make a sound or move as Ichigo intently watched her, keeping his sword out to make sure she wasn't going to attack again.

"Kein," he stated her name once more, his voice once again echoing into her head. She slowly hunched back over as she floated in midair. Her eyes had returned to normal and her face was untouched by mask. Her hands however dripped blood and tears were continuing to seep from her eyes. Anguish and agony could be seen on her face and then heaviness overtook her body as she began to fall. Ichigo was quick to rush in and hold her gently within his arms. She felt limp for a moment before she realized she was being held as she looked up to find Ichigo's gaze in her own.

She quickly tossed her gaze away as the shock of all the memories from her life kept flooding back and forth within her mind, the most painful memories continually haunting her. She tightly grasped upon Ichigo's Bankai robes, digging her face into his chest as she continued to sob aloud. This was alarming to Ichigo as it was the first time he had ever seen her in this condition. There was so much he didn't know about her and wasn't sure what to do.

"Kein please, tell me what happened. Was it Urahara? Did Urahara do this to you?"

It took a minute of time for her sobbing to calm down enough so that she could actually speak to answer his question as she stammered out, "I-I…I-I-I remember…e-everything."

Ichigo flinched slightly. He wasn't sure what she was speaking of. She was trying her best to contain herself as she was shaking in his arms and could barely hold back wanting to sob further. Although she had passed out from the affects of the serum, upon awakening it only flushed all of the memories through her once more and sent her into a frenzy, giving her inner Hollow the perfect chance to try to take over her. Urahara was going to intercept, but upon seeing Ichigo approaching, he decided it was best for Ichigo to handle this knowing that out of everyone in the human realm, Ichigo was the one she felt most comfortable and closest to. After an hour of crying and fighting with her Inner hollow for control, her sobs had dulled down to silent tears as she breathed in and out heavily from the ordeal. Her mind, body, and spirit was completely exhausted.

"M-Mom…d-da...dad."

Not getting much sense from her, he looked around for a place for them to sit down. He lowered himself and Kein towards ground level as he suddenly realized the location he was at. Out of all the places they could have been, Ichigo was at the same location of where his mother died. It was so strange as he now stood upon ground level. Kein was grasping so tightly upon his robes that he felt it would be useless to try to lay her down upon the ground so he sighed heavily and sat down in a position that was both comfortable to himself and Kein as he continued to hold her, giving her some time to regain her composure before returning her back home.

It didn't take too long however before her silent tears had finally stopped from pure exhaustion. She breathed heavily into Ichigo's chest as he felt the intense hot breath emitting from her mouth. He knew she would speak, but wasn't sure when as he shot his gaze up at the now evening sky as the stars and moon slowly started to pop out.

"Kein…" he said her name gently "…I don't know what happened to you, but you don't have to tell me anything you're never comfortable with saying. But…don't be afraid to tell me in fear of me judging you."

A moment of silence fell between the two before she finally replied in an almost soft whisper, "My past…..I remember…everything. My parents…...my parents died…because of _me_."

Ichigo gasped slightly as he looked back down at her in surprise as she slowly began to unveil her life when she was still alive. Half an hour had passed before Kein had finished her story, between sobs and anguish. The front part of Ichigo's Bankai robes were now moist with her tears, but despite how horrific her story was and how painful it must have been for her to tell him everything, he was glad she did. It takes a lot of trust to unveil a story like that to someone you are just beginning to know. In turn he realized just how much trust she was placing in him and it was reassuring in its own way, but also he realized just how much her and himself had in common.

"My mother died here when I was around your age."

Kein gasped slightly as her blood shot exhausted eyes looked up at him. He was gazing over at the water where he was lured in by the Grand Fischer Hollow.

"I'll never forget that day when she died. It feels like a hole in my chest and no matter how much I expected my sisters and dad to blame me and be angry at me, they never did. I still don't really understand how they can't be."

Her heart was touched by him equally sharing his story with her and it was quite unexpected, but it also explained how he was most of the time, why he always had a serious expression on his face. "I know I can't go back and change anything, but if it weren't for my spiritual pressure, that Hollow would have never come after me or my mother. I can't pretend to know what you've gone through, but with your parents I know…I know what it's like to feel like…everything is…my fault."

He then looked back down at her as it seemed just a little bit of life had returned to her. He could see it in her face as her fiery colored eyes were looking back in his.

"So please, don't let it consume you. Instead…use that anger…use that frustration to channel your energy into protecting those close to you so that something like that can never happen again."

His words had touched her heart deeply as it was something Kaien had told her in similarity years ago, to protect the heart above anything else and to protect those we care about.

"Do you still blame yourself…for your…mother's death?" She asked lightly, almost afraid to pry.

"Well…" he started hesitantly before Kein interrupted "…because I think she would be so proud of you."

Ichigo gasped. He wasn't expecting someone to say that to him even after hearing his story.

"I think if she was still alive today and see her son turn into a man who has decided to take initiative and protect others…I think she would be so proud. And for her to-" she stopped as she noticed Ichigo had cast his gaze away as a sparkling moist stream could be seen going down the side of his face. A silence fell between the two before he replied, "Thank you Kein. You are the first…to say that to me."

A gentle breeze blew across the sky as it brushed against Kein and Ichigo's hair. It was like a soothing wind saying hello from past loved ones, saying that they are watching over them. Ichigo felt her clench her hand against his robes again as she said in a heartfelt voice, "I'm sorry Ichigo. I didn't mean to…bring this all on you."

She was fighting back tears as she didn't want to soak his robes further, but he merely looked down at her and gave her a rare smile as he replied, "It's okay Kein. Eventually we all have to face to past, right?"

She then smiled at him as a silent tear went down her face. "Hm, what was it the old man said the other day?" He thought out loud, looking at the waterside.

"Oh yeah. He said, yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the "present."

…_One Day Later…_

Under the specific circumstances, Ichigo let Kein stay at his place for a day or two as she had no problem sleeping in his closet where Rukia used to sleep. It was surprisingly comfortable and since she wasn't using a gigai, her family wouldn't be able to see her. He wanted to make sure that Kein wouldn't have a relapse, but also having her around knowing what the two had shared with similar life stories, it gave him a strange sense of peace because if he could see her get through such anguish, then it also gave him a new hope that maybe he could finally get over his own. Also, it helped keep Kon quiet since he and Kein were great snuggle buddies. After Kein had had significant resting time, she woke up the second day and sat up on the rooftop looking up at the morning sky as the sun was reaching over the dawn. It wasn't long before Ichigo joined her.

"For a second I thought you had left. Feeling better?" He asked.

"I'll live," she replied almost nonchalantly. She was still feeling intense inside, but who wouldn't? Ichigo stood beside her as he looked at the morning sky along with her.

"Thanks to Urahara, there's a lot I now know that I wasn't able to realize before. For one, I finally realized where a lot of emptiness and inner turmoil was coming from and now that I know what was causing it, I have a chance to make peace with it with time and healing, but there is one other thing I also realized," pausing for a moment as she took in a breath of fresh air.

"I didn't realize this until now, but…I also have an ache in my heart…to fall in love."

Ichigo flinched slightly. Love was a subject he wasn't really used to talking about let alone hearing, but he was still intent on listening to what she had to say.

"That man that raped me…he hated women with such a passion it was frightening. I can't help but wonder what would cause a man to hate women so much, but it's because of what happened that I have all that more strong desire to experience love without hate, for a first time. I want know what its like to be loved genuinely, not by a friend or family member, but by a significant other. Shiba Kaien had a wife and their love was so pure and beautiful. Byakuya also had a wife, and their passion was also beautiful and pure. So my new dream, my new hope is that one day I can find someone who can love me…for me. Heh, sorry I know this is really sappy to talk about."

Ichigo just smiled lightly as he asked, "Not at all. And if you don't mind me asking, what sort of guy do you hope to find?"

She sat for a moment as she laid back and looked up at the sky, seeing its beautiful blue colors popping out. "Someone…who is like me. Someone…that understands my passion for battle, to know what its like finding peace in fighting an opponent stronger than one self. Someone…who doesn't hate women. Someone…someone…" she paused as an image of the jawboned blue haired man popped into her mind, causing her not to finish her sentence. Although it was strange she thought of the strange man out of nowhere, she couldn't help but sit there…and _smile_.


End file.
